Clues, You Say?

Yet another in the line of commercials that drive me crazy:

A woman who might easily be 43 stands dressed to look 23 and asks “how old am I?” Well, first, I’m not fooled by the outfit, chicky-poo, I know you’re older than I am, but I’m game; I’ll play along.

She continues, “Here are a few clues. When I was in junior high, I mastered the latest dance craze. Was it the Hustle or the Electric Slide?” Hmm. I don’t know. But stop dancing.

She goes on, “When I was in high school, I fell for fashion. Think I wore bell bottoms or penny loafers?” Penny loafers, sweetie? Were you also wearing a poodle skirt and stashing a dime for an emergency phone call home? Really, you’re not narrowing it down, here. Those things have been around a while.

Still, the juxtaposition of dance and fashion trends in this spot intended to sell teeth whitening strips is not my beef. Rather, it’s the initial promise to offer a few clues to her age. Because, you see, these aren’t clues, they are questions. This isn’t a hint, it’s a quiz.

“How old am I?” the woman asks. “I’ll never tell.” Bully for you. But let me tell you something, honey, though “lots of things can give away your age,” I wasn’t even looking at your teeth. Your mouth, on the other hand, bothered me no end.