A Taxing Dilemma

I filed my 2006 taxes early. Easily done this year because -- for the first time since I was 16 -- I was unemployed. Apart from interest income on a dwindling savings account, I earned not a dime all year; and after years earning fuck all and sending Sammy his cut, I thought "take THAT, money-grubbing uncle!" Not this year. No way. If I don't make it, you can't take it! Nyah nyah! *Raspberry*

(Never mind that if I don't make it, I can't take it either).

Consistently employed for nearly 20 years, I decided I'd file anyway so that my return would not be conspicuous in its absence. My lack of income would be on record. Sammy would know I hadn't simply missed the deadline and he'd know not to bother coming after me.

Because, you know, there are so few people in the country that my missing return would be noticed. Of course.

I zipped through the return quickly. Twenty dollars interest, no W-2, easy peasy. Scribble, scribble, fold, lick, done.

Bounce.

Qua?

I didn't send a check. That's not what bounced. It was my TAX RETURN that bounced. My return was returned.

Somehow, in my laughable rush to file, I made the mistake of calculating my measly $20 interest income as earned income. Silly me. Obviously, those are two COMPLETELY different things. I didn't earn $20, my money did. That's money's income, not mine. Let that darned money file its own return.

On that $20, I'd calculated, I would owe $2 in tax. However, the income credit for earning only $20 is exactly $2 so the whole thing was a wash. Nothing earned, nothing owed. I'd filed a $0 balance return.

When the IRS bounced it, I discovered my error. Because the $20 wasn't earned income, it was neither taxed nor credited. I'd owe $0 in tax and receive an income credit of exactly $0 and the whole thing would be a wash. Nothing earned, nothing owed. I filed a second $0 balance return.

My question, Sammy, then is this: wasn't that obvious? I had NO INCOME, hon. Was it worth the man hours, paperwork, and postage to have an income-free filer amend an overly EZ return to prove to you that you weren't getting a dime?

Knucklehead.

At least this year, when I shake my head at the red-tape bureaucracy, I'll know it's not MY tax dollars at work.

What I Really Want to Do Is...

There's a joke in the theatre community that what most actors really want to do is direct. I never understood that. Why?

The actor's job is easy; the director's job is hard. To be effective, he has do a lot of homework. He has to interpret the script, know it backwards and forwards, know what he wants, convey that vision to the cast, give the cast every opportunity to work, and make it all happen on schedule. Why on Earth would an actor, accustomed to the glory of performing in front of an audience, take on so difficult and thankless a task behind the scenes?

Lately, I've begun to understand. Because lately I've begun to think about directing.

In analyzing my own new-found desire to direct, I've come to an interesting analogy: Actor is to Director as Grown Child is to Parent. While there isn't necessarily any animosity, the Actor becomes determined that when it is his turn, he will do it differently. While he is raising (directing) his Child (Cast), he vows not to make any of the mistakes that his Parent (Director) made while raising (directing) him. He'll give them structure ... and freedom. He'll provide the tools, training, and tolerance that he was not given. He'll do it right.

And thus, he's begun thinking of himself as a director. Doomed, like any new parent, to create a whole new crop of mistakes in his effort to avoid the ones he's witnessed. Mistakes which others will resent. Until they begin thinking...

When I do it, I'll do it right.

Predators: Land and Sea

"Tonight the Nashville Predators open the 2007 Stanley Cup Playoffs with Game 1 of their best-of-seven ... series against the San Jose Sharks." The Predators possess home-ice advantage and will face the Sharks again Friday before the series shifts to San Jose for Games 3 and 4.

That from the GAMEDAY report on the Predators website. Here in San Diego, prospects of actually watching the Preds play are dire. With no national coverage (save expensive Pay Per View), all hope rests on local coverage from San Jose spanning rather far south of home ice.

Even if I won't get to see the games, I'm excited to know that the Preds, still a young franchise (added as an expansion team in late '97 for play in the '98-'99 season) have once again advanced to the post season. I was privileged to have a seat at the GEC for the team's first-ever playoff game against the Detroit Red Wings (another team close to my heart) in 2004. In San Diego last year, I missed post-season play as the Predators took on... the San Jose Sharks. According to both team sites, this year's contest is far from a rematch as each team has made extensive changes to its lineup. Plus, Nashville goalie Tomas Vokoun, who suffered blood clot problems last year, will be healthy and between the posts. What I'd give to see it!

Ahh... if there's anything wrong with the temperate climes of oceanside living, it's the distinct lack of ice sports.

My brother kindly reminded me that Games 3 and 4 would only be a train ride away, but while I'm in the midst of direly needed rehearsals for a show threatening to open too soon, the trip seems unlikely. And while I remain steadfastly unemployed, the costs of travel and ticket seem prohibitive. Thanks, though, for the thought. Dang it all!

One way or another I'll be cross(check)ing my fingers for the Tennessee team to advance to the next round.

And pick up some TV coverage along the way.

Whale of a Good Week

What a busy week it’s been, full of rehearsals, shows, interviews and touristy fun with Mom.

My parents came to town last week just in time for my first – and so far only – job interview. Apparently, my brief attempt to explain density with a floating ketchup packet wasn’t what Mad Science was hoping for, but the experience did perk up my confidence for Sunday’s improvisational fund raiser. God, what fun! I find myself remembering little random bits of the show throughout the week – sometimes proudly, sometimes with a blush – and I can’t wait to get my hands on the video.

On Friday, I took my mother (or she took me) whale watching. We booked a Harbor Excursion and went out on the open water, tracking the migration of the grey whale. I’d never been to sea; incredible. We did spot a pod of whales, but as ships are required to keep a certain distance my little pocket Kodak couldn’t manage any great photos. Those are images I’ll have to keep in my head.

On Saturday I went to see Orrick perform with one of his bands and met a former band mate of his from long, long ago who’d found out about the gig on the internet and planned a little reunion of sorts. MySpace: it’s not just for kids.

Sunday, of course, was improv.

Monday, after having seen grey whales in the wild, I took my mother to see killer whales in captivity. Sea World was brimming with spring-breakers, but we did manage to find seats for both the Dolphin Discovery show and Believe ® at Shamu Stadium. We also visited Rocky Point Preserve, where one can pet and feed the dolphins. We watched for a while but decided we’d feed them another time – after spring break. Our one-day admission bought us each a Fun Card, so that we can return any time throughout 2007 for free. I look forward to taking Mom to experience Summer Nights.

Of course, while all of this is going on, I’m also in rehearsals for a fast-paced farce. Publicity photos are now on the website. We open in three weeks.

Easter weekend, I’ll be preparing for an upcoming staged reading – a sort of no-frills performance of a writer’s work – script in hand – with some movement but no set, no costumes, and no lighting or sound. It’s essentially an opportunity for an author and others to hear the script aloud and possibly decide whether it’s worth putting real production money behind.

Come April 27th, when the farce opens and all rehearsals and readings are behind me, I won’t know what to do with myself!

Oh right....

Job hunt.