Saturday, March 05, 2005

Dr. Strangemail... or...

How I Learned to Stop Ordering and Hate the Post Office.

Roughly two weeks ago, I ordered costumes online. Not having a closet to rifle through in San Diego made that a necessity; I don't have a back-up. I ordered some things Express Mail, and FedEx delivered my packages to my door last week. I ordered other things Standard Delivery, knowing it would take longer for those items to arrive. I didn't know I'd still be waiting. Or how badly the Post Office would handle its charge.

  • Standard Delivery: You can expect delivery in 4 to 7 working days. Most orders are shipped UPS, FedEx Ground or USPS. Usually, UPS or FedEx will ring your doorbell, then leave the package in a sheltered area. USPS will deliver the package in your mailbox if it fits, or put it by your door.
As the deadline approached, I sequestered myself in the house from dawn 'til dusk to accept the time-sensitive delivery. No one knocked. The doorbell never rang. But more than one "Sorry We Missed You" card appeared in my mailbox. Never mind that the carrier is allowed to leave the items in a sheltered area, that I'd put a bin in that area, and that I'd left a note pointing to that bin hanging on the door. Forget all of that. Because I was there. The guy never saw it. He never came to the door.

Today was the ever-lovin' lulu. Expecting one package and with the "Sorry" note in hand, I went to the post office to collect my costumes. They weren't there; Mom had ordered something for the apartment. Fine. But when I got home I found ANOTHER "Sorry We Missed You" in my mailbox. So, I rush back out, wondering what policy I've missed out on; I might actually have been out of the house this time, but why didn't he leave my package by the door? Maybe they don't deliver packages to apartment complexes. It doesn't matter. I am about to collect my costumes and all will be right with the world. Except it isn't.

At the counter I am informed that no one can retrieve my package because it is still out on the truck; the carrier hasn't returned yet. And the post office is about to close for the weekend. The gentleman at the desk is sympathetic and it isn't his fault. I leave on amiable terms. But I'm hopping mad.

If my so-called carrier is going to make no attempt to deliver my package, if he is going to leave a "Sorry I Missed You" message without ever approaching my door, then he shouldn't bother loading it onto his truck in the first place. If he's going to load it on his truck and drive around town with it, making it unavailable at the post office, then he should certainly attempt to find me! And if he fails, by God, LEAVE THE DAMNED PACKAGE AT THE DOOR!

It'll be Monday now before I can pick up my costumes, hoping they fit, for a show that opens Friday. It'll be my third trip to the post office for a package that could have and should have been delivered to me. I don't care if I have to pay extra for FedEx or UPS next time, but the US Postal Service can keep their mitts off of my stuff from now on!

1 comment:

jake said...

I feel ya'. Our mail carrier, to our house, won't leave packages either.

It was like 20 degrees one day and I was expecting a package. I left the house for work through the garage as to make sure that Conrad, the dog, had food and a warm place to sleep.

In my haste, I accidently locked him in the garage.

When I returned home I had a little yellow car stating that I had a package to pick-up at the post office. The reason being?

"DOG"