Ad-verse Conditions

In July, the USS Private Conversation moved from San Diego, California, to San Francisco -- a welcoming place for load-bearing ships such as this. Of course, of late, our cargo has been exceptionally light. Now that our flabby-assed crew has finally finished moving the chairs about, we hope to be drumming up business again in no time. For now, though, the best we can do is share some of the little things we've noticed while sitting on our butts.

For example... commercials continue to be annoying. Sure, they are once again creeping up to volumes twice that of the programming you are intentionally watching, but it's more than that. They've gotten... dumber.

Canada Dry is now advertising that its Ginger Ale is made from... drum roll please... real ginger. And claims this is a "nice surprise." REALLY? Is anyone really surprised that there is GINGER in GINGER ALE? If so, I've got another surprise for you. You'll never believe this one... there is GINGER in GINGER SNAPS, too!

I'll let you sit down to recover from that bombshell before moving on to the next irritating commercial.

There's a bank with a current "even kids know it's wrong..." campaign. One little boy wants to keep playing with "the red truck" taken way by a limited time offer and replaced with a cardboard cutout; a little girl is placed on a bike, but told she can only ride it within a limited area roughly the size of the bike itself; and two little girls are offered ponies. That's the one we hate.

Come along with me on this one and hate it, too. It's fun!

Bank Guy to Little Girl A: Would you like a pony?
Little Girl A: Yeah.
Bank Guy gives Little Girl A a toy pony.

Bank Guy to Little Girl B: Would YOU like a pony?
Little Girl B: Yeah.
Bank Guy calls to live pony: Tck Tck Tck.

Bank Guy: Here you go, this is for you.
Little Girl B, petting live pony: Wow! That's fun!
Little Girl A: You didn't say I could have a REAL one.
Bank Guy to Little Girl A: Well, you didn't ask.

WELL NEITHER DID LITTLE GIRL B! But does Little Girl A point this out, or protest, as any little girl in this situation would? (Come on, tell me you believe the FIRST thing out of her mouth wouldn't be "neither did she! It's not fair!") No. She just sits there and takes it.

Even adults know this is wrong.

And does it bother anyone else that Billy Mays commercials are still airing? "If it breaks, we'll replace it free!"

No, Billy. You won't. I'm sorry, but... you won't.