Seems Like Old Times

One of my all-time guilty pleasure movies is Seems Like Old Times. In it, Glenda Parks (Goldie Hawn) gets caught in the middle when her fugitive ex-husband Nick (Chevy Chase) reappears much to the dismay of her current District Attorney husband, Ira (Charles Grodin). As hilarity ensues and Ira becomes irate, Glenda eventually sounds off to set him straight with the kind of bitingly funny monologue only Neil Simon can write. Caught in the middle of a similar situation, I want to argue:

"Okay, you win. You’re too smart for us, Ira. Nick and I purposely got a divorce so I could marry you, knowing that you would buy a house with a room over the garage, SO that when he was kidnapped, after he spent 2 years in a Mexican jail, robbed a bank in Carmel, and the police were after him, he could then hide out in our spare room, so while you and I were throwing parties to celebrate your running for Attorney General, I would be able to run up there, sneak away, and be able to spend 35 seconds alone with Nick. I've been found out. I confess! I confess!"

Of course, since I've never been married to anyone named Nick and I don't have a spare room over the garage (or a garage, for that matter), without proper editing the argument would just be confusing.