"Small Moves, Ellie"

It's hard to believe, but there are actors out and about in the world who prefer doing monologues to cold readings. Obviously, I am not one of those actors. In fact, I tend to think those actors are loony. Bats. Toys in the Attic. Cuckoo. However, as most big-time directors are equally out of their heads, the monologue has become the standard measure for earning a callback (consideration for casting) in the theatre world.

I hate monologues. I've said it before, I'll say it again. They are, however, a necessary evil if one wants to work outside of the community theatre circle. Up to now, I've been lucky; not one of my professional gigs was earned with a monologue. That luck has run out. And so, yesterday, I drove an hour north to subject myself to that most humbling of processes: the monologue audition.

To say that I haven't earned any of my pro gigs with a monologue is true -- there are "cold read" opportunities out there -- but it doesn't tell the whole story. I have not completely avoided monologues. I have simply never been cast based on one. I'm dreadful at them, having the uncanny ability to turn three minutes of published material into thirty seconds of utter gibberish. It's spectacular, but not what the auditors are looking for.

This is why, whether I earn a part or no, yesterday's audition was a breakthrough for me. I managed to make three minutes' worth of material into roughly three minutes of something very similar to English. For the first time in my monologuing career, I was not immediately drop-kicked out the door amid gales of laughter, but rather asked to perform another piece, and then (as today's matinee will prevent my attending callbacks) to stay for a cold reading.

I have no idea how deep the field is in competing for the only part I'm age-appropriate for in this show. I may not stand a chance of being cast. And yet, I feel I've already won. I faced the monologue beast without running, and though I may not have beat him... I put up a good fight and came out alive. It's a good first step.

One day I'll kill the bastard!