Abbr-normal

Earlier this month, as you have heard, I decided to find an MD in San Diego. I found a GP who was part of my PPO and made an appointment.

He gave me a general check-up and, after a bit of Q&A, he declared my vital signs AOK. But for bloodwork and such, I'd have to return after a fast. No OJ, PBJ, or BLT.

After a weekend of R&R, I returned on Tuesday with a full bladder and PMS. I showed my ID, filled a cup with P, and wished for TLC when the nurse bruised my arm with her needle. Then I went home to wait, my results TBD.

As the week continued quietly, I wondered when I'd know my results. What's the ETA? And who calls who? What's the MO? Perhaps I should have signed my cup with an RSVP.

I waited a week before calling the office. When I did, I was greeted by a message: "you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service..." Oh no! My doctor had gone AWOL!

I checked the phone book and then dialed 411. The number hadn't changed. I called again. The message was the same. But why would Dr. Dysart have taken a new patient if his office was closing? It must have been unexpected. I fear the worst.

Perhaps Doctor Dysart was a spy -- AKA DJ D -- caught by the FBI after a mission went PU. Or maybe he disappeared when inserting an IUD became a PR nightmare. Or maybe he was abducted by a UFO to administer space probes....

Maybe he put whiskey in his IV and is busy at the pokey, serving time for DUI.

Maybe I'm a carrier for something fatal that wiped out the office staff. RIP. Call the CDC!

Or maybe he forgot to write a check to SBC.

The only thing I know for sure is that I don't know my test results. And it seems unlikely that I ever will. TBA or not TBA, that is the question. Whether a strange and rare disease is threatening to abbreviate my life, I may nvr knw.

ACK! Perhaps I should call a PI.