The Autobrat Riots

Lynching. Looting. Riots. Coming soon to "San Diego's Best" apartment community. Why? Someone has allowed their car alarm to go unchecked for far too long. The natives are restless. Literally.

A white minivan parked beneath my window is the culprit. I've spent some time this afternoon watching it sit there, motionless but not silent. Nothing seems to trigger its alarm. No passers-by, no wayward rabbit, no gusty wind. The van is not in danger. It seems to be screaming only for attention. It'll get plenty of it soon. From a tow truck or a baseball bat, I'm sure.

The alarm has a definite cycle. Thirty seconds isn't unbearable. It's the length of an average commercial. But length is not the problem. Frequency is. After thirty seconds, the alarm stops. And after two seconds' silence, it begins again. Thirty seconds on, two seconds off. Thirty on, two off. Thirty. Two. On. Off. That is unbearable. So I wonder where the owner is. And why they haven't fixed this.

If this were a child screaming and crying in public, I'd expect to hear an adult threaten "stop it, or I'll give you something to cry about." Toward a child, it's an empty threat. But toward a hunk of metal? Perhaps not.

So I hope the owner of the white minivan comes to his senses soon -- because adjusting his alarm will be cheaper than replacing his windshield. And the longer it takes him to do the math, the more I'm rooting for the baseball bat.